Dear Pink Hair Girl,
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. I have a crush on the girl at the video game store. I know, I know. So does everyone else. I’m a regular customer at this store though and I’ve had a few conversations with her comparing games, talking about what systems we prefer, what new releases we’re excited about, and all that stuff. I really like her taste in games, and I like her sense of humor. I want to try asking her out, but I don’t know how to stand out from all the other guys who hit on her. Is there some way to better my chances?
Yup, I’m gonna stop you right there. It’s time for a reality check. You admit that everyone else who walks into that store probably thinks she’s all that, and you realize that she’s probably got her pick of the litter when it comes to potential dates. But what you may not realize is that she also gets hit on by complete assholes, or guys who have booby-goggles on who just wanna hit on her because she plays video games and happens to have breasts. So not only do you have a lot of competition, but you also have to make sure you’re not one of THOSE dudes. Your knee-jerk reaction is going to be, “No way! I like her as a person!” But all the other guys with booby-goggles on are saying the same thing. I’ll give you an introspection exercise in a minute to clear that up. And after we’ve determined as much as possible that you’re actually interested in her for her personality and not just the obvious stuff, THEN we can discuss how you can give yourself a one-up. I mean, leg-up.
- Can you name anything she’s into other than video games?
- Do you know of anything she’s passionate about other than gaming?
- How old is she?
- Describe her personality without using the words like “Nice,” “Friendly,” or “Geeky”
Time’s up. Pencils down.
I don’t expect you to actually reply to these. But it’s important for you to see how you answer these questions. If your answers are as follows…
- “Computers, maybe? She mentioned PC gaming once.”
- “Probably my age,” and,
- “She has a nice smile,”
…then you’ve got booby-goggles on. It means that you’re fixating on the fact that she’s a personable, attractive female that has gaming knowledge in common with you. That’s all you’re basing your attraction on. Now, that’s not necessarily a bad place to start–having something in common is good. But don’t ask her out based on this one interest alone; otherwise, there is nothing to distinguish you from every other guy who has a crush on her.
Now, you might be yelling at your screen, “But that’s just because we haven’t talked about anything other than video games yet! I can tell we’d hit it off if we did!” Well then, ask yourself why you guys haven’t talked about anything other than video games. It’s possible that she’s actually just being a professional sales representative talking about video games, which is her job. Before you consider asking her out, next time you go in there to buy something, see if you can start a conversation with her that segues into something else. “The music in this game is great, do you ever listen to any other stuff by that band?” or “Did you see the crazy internet rant about this developer, what do you think about it?” These topics are still within the realm of gaming conversation, but they’re not related to your purchase or business. See if she bites. If she’s willing to go into deeper conversation, then you get a chance to learn something more about her perspective and opinions. But if she gives a one- or two-word answer and then gets back to business, then chances are she’s not being extra personable or friendly with you–she’s just doing her job the way she’s supposed to.
If you are convinced that so many people find her attractive, then it’s quite possible that she is not available. She may already have a boyfriend. Or she may not be interested in dating. Or she may not be interested in men. There’s no way for you to know unless you ask her. Just be prepared to accept whatever answer you get.
If at some point you guys do go out, and you do hit it off, then consider the fact that she will continue to be the girl at the video game store that all the guys hit on. She is a desirable person, and she will have many suitors. Make sure that you’re able to keep things like jealousy and possessiveness in check. For the record, jealousy is not a sign of affection for someone, it’s a sign of insecurity. It’s a manifestation of fear of being left out or left behind. It takes a lot of personal security to date someone who has lots of people hitting on them. Make sure you can handle that before considering her as a potential girlfriend. Because it is NOT ok to ask her to leave her job, or to be cold and unfriendly to male customers, and NOT ok to blame her for getting hit on.
Still Reading? Good. Here’s some advice for asking her out.
Firstly, it sounds like you’ve at least carried on some casual conversation with her about gaming that shows you guys can talk about something you have in common. That means you’re already a step ahead of the guys who just hit on her for the hell of it. Good work! But do use my bit of advice from earlier and attempt a deeper conversation. Gaming talk in a game store is on par with talking about the weather. It’s a safe topic. Go outside of that and try to learn her opinions, ideas, and what other things she’s into. Be yourself while talking to her, and this will clue her into the fact that you’re a guy who’s genuinely interested in getting to know her for who she is, and isn’t just another dude trying to hit on her.
Asking her out while she’s at work is not a classy move. But if it’s the only way you know how to get in touch with her, then you’re stuck with it. But allow me now to make this clear: DO NOT, under any circumstance, wait for her to get off work so you can “bump into her” while she’s leaving. That is SUPER CREEPY and will make her think you’re trying way too hard (and she’d be right). It comes off as way too eager, and possibly desperate or stalker-ish. Not good things. Your best bet is to ask her out while you’re in there doing some other business. While that may sound a little deceptive, it’s actually about courtesy. When you walk into a store, the other employees make a note of you walking in. If you go in there without any business to do, but they notice you talking to her, or actually overhear you asking her out, that has the potential to be majorly embarrassing for her, and even bad for business, as it may come off as unprofessional to be having those kinds of conversations with customers on the clock.
Some tips for making a move while she’s working:
- Do it while she is not very busy with customers or stocking things.
- Attempt to do it while out of earshot of her fellow employees.
- Be as discrete as possible, without looking creepy or shady.
- After polite conversation or business, consider handing her a note right before you leave the store.
- The note should be simple and sweet. One example: “Would you like to have dinner with me?” Yes (checkbox) No (checkbox) and then include a number for her to text you with her reply. She may decide not to respond, in which case, accept that she’s not interested. Don’t bring it up next time you’re in the store, just be friendly and treat her like you would any other employee there from that point forward. Same thing applies if she says “No.” If she accepts, don’t FREAK OUT. Ask her when she’s free next, and arrange a time to meet. Pick the place. Don’t contact her again until it’s time for your date.
If you get that far, then the dating part is all up to you! And if a rejection comes your way, I cannot stress enough to simply accept it with dignity if it comes to that. This is a place you frequent, so asking her out means you’re risking making things a little awkward. The best way to avoid this is to just play it cool. She said “No”? Okay, you’re both adults–she’s still cool, right? She didn’t become an awful person you’d hate to ever have to see again just because she’s not interested in dating you, right? Act like it. If you don’t make a big deal about it, then neither will she. And if she does make some sort of stink about it, or gets dramatic with you, then you dodged a bullet, because you do not want to date a girl like that anyway.
Best of luck, RJ.
Pink Hair Girl